How To Love Yourself CompletelyYour son may think he is a terrible athlete, but he lights up when he works on school science projects. Then there’s that quiet, disheveled ninth-grade girl who sits in the back of your class. She may feel socially awkward, but she wows you with her poetry. If you are interested in specific techniques and strategies for enhancing self-compassion in teens, take a look at the work of psychologistKaren Bluth.
I wasn’t making myself a better person by beating myself up all the time. Instead, I was causing myself to feel inadequate and insecure, then taking out my frustration on the people closest to me. More than that, I wasn’t owning up to many things because I was so afraid of the self-hate that would follow if I admitted the truth. I had known that Buddhists talk a lot about the importance of compassion, but I had never considered that having compassion for yourself might be as important as having compassion for others. From the Buddhist point of view, you have to care about yourself before you can really care about other people. Are you so used to talking about problems that they're all you see?
Sometimes, the voice is just us being hard on ourselves. I do this through writing; I’m a huge fan of stream of consciousness writing, so I’ll pull out my notebook and write continuously until honesty flows out. It can take a while to peel off the layers of what’s on the surface, but if I keep writing and keep digging, I’ll reach the core of my true self. Through writing, I learn more about myself and better understand what I really feel and what I really need.
Beyond your ability to tend to yourself, you must remember that self-love is an intentional practice to learn and cultivate. Self-love provides you with the opportunity to see yourself completely, to recognize and value your strengths and weaknesses, triumphs and challenges. It is critical to acknowledge your imperfections and obstacles in order to nurture your personal growth. Meditation has been found to improve overall-mental health, especially in relieving stress and anxiety. By taking the time to allow our body to relieve itself from stress, we are at the same time practicing self-compassion.
They’re emphatically not saying you have to change or be abandoned. The friend insists we are good enough already. But they want to join forces with us to solve a challenge they feel we would properly benefit from overcoming. For the most part, it just feels more normal and therefore oddly more comfortable to be disliked or ignored. We seek out partners who will do us the favour of not thinking any better of us than we think of ourselves.
If you are able to identify why you are perpetuating these stories, you can help break the negative thought cycle that is perpetuating negative self-talk. To challenge these negative stories, you can engage in the same positive self-talk strategies listed above. Start highlighting the good things about yourself to yourself so that you can internalize a positive narrative. Sometimes if negative self-talk goes unchecked for too long, we start to develop negative narratives about ourselves that can end up being really damaging to our self-esteem.
It’s never easy to keep sticking our necks out, for love, for a new or better job, for growth, but when we do we’ve increased our self-worth and motivation. Believe in yourself, your skills, talents and values, in spite of discouragement and criticism from others. Above all, be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. It’s easy to put ourselves on a back burner in favour of the to-do list, but it catches up with us.
Learning to nurture ourselves is critical in early recovery as how we feel about ourselves is a direct result of our actions. Positive actions result in positive feelings toward oneself. Self-esteem plays an important role in your ability to pursue goals, develop healthy relationships, and feel good about who you are. You’ll be inspired to become more introspective, focusing on those areas that need healing and a little TLC, and you’ll soon remember just how great you are and all that you can accomplish. Certain distorted thought processes may make the practice of self-love difficult.
The lack of structure and social accountability has also limited our ability to complete our daily tasks such as work and school. We’re all too familiar with the challenges of staying focused while attending Zoom meetings and taking virtual exams in the same place where we sleep and socialize. When you find the freedom of toddler—the kind of love that can’t be taken away with age or status—you begin to see the world differently.
Coming down hard on yourself after a misstep is like fighting the fire department when your house is on fire. It adds insult to injury and reduces your chances of rebounding and ultimately success. In the aftermath of a career setback—such as a missed promotion, failure to meet a critical deadline or job loss—self-condemnation is the real career blocker, not the setback. Substituting loving-kindness for self-judgment motivates you to get back in the saddle.
She and later scholars such as Étienne Balibar and Thomas Kiefer have compared this to Aristotle’s discourse on proportion of self-love as intrinsic to philia . The thoughts of Aristotle (384–322 BC) about self-love are recorded in the Nicomachean Ethics and Eudemian Ethics. Nicomachean Ethics Book 9, Chapter 8 focuses on it particularly. In this passage, Aristotle argues that people who love themselves to achieve unwarranted personal gain are bad, but those who love themselves to achieve virtuous principles are the best sort of good. He says the former kind of self-love is much more common than the latter. You'll love yourself more when you set limits or say no to work, love, or activities that deplete or harm you physically, emotionally, and spiritually, or express poorly who you are.
“Love yourself as if you deserve love more than anyone else,” says Geneen Roth, a best-selling author who has explored women’s relationships with their bodies and emotions for more than 30 years. Be intentional about cultivating that kindness and acceptance with yourself that we so naturally offer to friends and loved ones. There is an endless supply of people who are ready and willing to inform us about what we are doing wrong, and how we can alter our behaviour so we can get ahead and inject magic and happiness into our lives.
Ask yourself questions and listen to your responses with caring and curiosity. This get-started journaling exercise is specifically designed to help you create healthy, new life habits — perfect for your journey on the path of self-love. The invitation of #TheLoveCampaign is to focus less on what we perceive to be wrong, lacking, and missing, and more on creating a positive, accepting, and encouraging connection with ourselves — faults and all.
Also, take the time to think about how outside factors are influencing your opinion of yourself. "Sometimes you're underperforming at work, but sometimes their expectations are exploitative," says Daramus. "Sometimes you're 'not there for a friend or significant other, but sometimes their needs are unreasonable." Developing self-love can take time, patience, and practice, but self-love is deserved and achievable by all.